Stand Up for Yourself…

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Today’s Challenge: Stand up for yourself.

About a week ago I posted “Face the Problem so…” about my struggles with a company(s) that was basically stealing from me. Well, today, I’m happy to report that we have settled, and all of my needs were met. The weight and stress of this has lifted off my shoulders and I feel a sense of freedom from this burden I carried for more than two years. It feels good to stand up for yourself and follow through to the end. It feels amazing to actually sleep through the night… I want to celebrate! 🙂

Tell Somebody You #Trust…

Today’s Challenge: If you were victimized as a child, it was not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve it. If you’re still struggling, years later, tell somebody you trust and get some help.

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I wrote this many years ago…

A friend of the family molested me when I was 11 years old. Years have passed and I remember it like it happened 15 minutes ago. When I go back in the memory, my tears lose control and my body feels the pain. I am scared because for the first time I feel the agony that man caused me. I have spent years running and surviving instead of dealing with it. This little girl’s past has caught up with her. I don’t know how to be the mother she needs to hold her, protect her, and forgive her for not telling somebody so I could have gotten help.

I believe the pain is surfacing because I am in love. It should be a happy, exciting time for me, but I am also in pain every time he touches me. It is not normal to want to cry and escape while making love with the man you love. My mind races with ways to get through it hiding how I really feel. I pretend everything is great and I curl up around him and hold him until he goes to sleep. Then I roll over and the tears start and my body shakes. I sneak out of bed to avoid waking him. I go downstairs to cry. Sometimes I stay up all night crying and pacing wanting to run away and feeling, dirty and scared and trapped inside myself. If I’m lucky, my exhaustion puts me to sleep sometime in the early morning hours.

I sat in my counselor’s office and for the first time, I told the truth. She had to tell me to breathe once I started talking. She also stopped breathing. It was the most healing moment of my life. I knew I would get through it. I spent my life running from it, pretending it did not bother me. Now I understand how important it is to talk. I’m going to talk. I am going to forgive myself and get the help I need. I asked her why I had to waste so many years. She said some wait 50 years and others never face it. She said, “You’re lucky. You’re still young.”

Can’t Multitask

multitaskMaybe because I didn’t have children, I didn’t learn how to multitask. Every parent I know, can do several things at once. For example, my sister can watch TV, listen to her son, acknowledge her husband and read a book all at the same time. My other sister can talk on the phone, breakup a dogfight, listen to her daughter, study for a test, paint the back porch, and make dinner all at the same time. These people blow my mind!

I, however, have to sit down with the TV off just to talk on the phone. If I even attempt to work on my computer, whoever is on the other end of the line always asks, “Are you busy. What are you doing?” Then I quickly step away from my computer to give them my full attention.

I would love to be a multitasker, but I’m not sure it’s in my genetic makeup. I can only do one thing at a time. Is it possible this is the deeper reason I didn’t have children? 🙂 Or do we quickly learn to multitask once our children are born?

I’m learning to accept that I will probably never be an efficient multitasker, but I have learned to enjoy the times I’m able to do more than one thing at a time. For example, in the morning after I shower, I take my dog for a walk… so you could say that I can blow dry my hair and walk my dog at the same time. 🙂

I’d love some hints on how to multitask! 🙂

Engaging

EBOOK FRONT COVER BECKY
When I looked at cover of this book, I thought it was a self-help book. After reading it, I thought the book was sort of self-help in fiction form. This book is well-written, and I love the different struggles in Amanda’s relationships – especially with Sam. I connected with the characters and felt their pain. I loved the way she learned something about each relationship which helped her discover herself. The pacing and dialogue were excellent.
This review is from: Traveling for Love: Searching for Self, Hoping for Love (Kindle Edition)
5.0 out of 5 stars Engaging, June 26, 2014
By
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Thanks for another great review! 🙂

A Woman Getting Older

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Months ago, I was with friends from my childhood. We kept telling each other how we all looked the same, and in many ways we did, but we had also become adults, with grown children and aging parents.

When I told one friend she looked the same, she seemed surprised.

“Really?”

“The same but more… mature.” I said. I’m such an idiot. That’s not what I meant, but I didn’t know how to say what I meant in small talk, so it came out that she looked more mature. Why didn’t I just say she was more… beautiful?

“You mean I look old.” She laughed.

“No. No, that’s not what I meant.” Ugh!

So this is what I meant:

When I was younger, in my late twenties, I remember looking in the mirror and suddenly liking the way I looked. I had lost my childlike face and I started to look like a woman. I was pleased that I had “matured.”

Long story short, I thought my childhood friend looked the same only more beautiful. In fact, I think we all did! 🙂

We looked better, because we were better. Older, wiser, happier, better because we lived through the heartaches and loneliness. We lived through family and love. We lived through our goals and accomplishments. Good people getting better with age because of our experiences.

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I recently had lunch with a friend and she said that at this point in her life, she is going to speak her mind. She is going to put herself first. She is going to be who she is and not apologize for it.

I cheered her on.

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It was time to update my photo for my website, blog, Facebook, etc. So I had a friend snap a few photos and I picked a couple I liked. I’m now in the process of changing all my online profile pictures to this new one (above). It feels good to update and truthfully, I was starting to fear that if people saw me in public (at a book signing or an event) they wouldn’t recognize me. 🙂

First Review of The Gentlemen’s Club: A Story for All Women

 

The Gentlemen's Club - book coverReview by: Zénó Vernyik

The black front cover of this average-sized book is dominated by a strange drawing of white, grey and red, but predominantly the first of these colors. It features a strangely telling composition: a woman nailed to a man, as if she were crucified. Shocking as it may seem to some, or even sacrilegious, part of the reason behind its powerfulness is the reference to one of the primary myths of Christianity: the act of self-sacrifice.In this picture, it is a woman who is crucified, or rather Woman, as such. The cross, at the same time, becomes exchanged for Man, that is, it is no longer a symbol of the axis mundi, the World Tree, on which she is crucified, but Man. Women are suffering by and for men; they are crucified on, by, but also for them.
Another crucial point can be that Man who stands in for the crucifix is just as powerless as Woman. This is exemplified by the fact that neither one of the two figures is veiled. Our savior, here, is exposed and powerless, but the case of the living crucifix is not much better. Neither one of the two figures is in the position to cover himself/herself. The only way they could perform that action would be made possible if, and only if, the crucifix stopped being a crucifix, and permitted movement for her.
The bonding function of the nail also works in both ways: Man is just as inseparably bound to Woman, as it is true the other way around. Furthermore, the calm and peaceful facial expression also suggests an air of comfort and happiness, something that can be or should be achieved through the unity of man and woman that this visual metaphor may also skillfully represent.
This complex icon that the book features tells much of what this book sets as its goal: a thorough, painful and direct analysis of all the possible kinds of relationships that are existing in contemporary bourgeois society. The handling of the topic is similar to the treatment of an ulcer by the surgeon: precise, uncompromising and cutting right to the hidden core. And the expertise of the venture is no less professional than the means. This text is visibly and evidently informed both by personal experiences and recollections, and thorough sociological research in the subject matter.
What is this book then? A testimony, an analysis, a therapeutic vehicle. But also, first and foremost, a story, and a very good one at it. The storyline is captivating, the text practically reads itself. Basically, it is impossible to put this book down. Those who found Alexandra’s Project by Rolf de Heer too didactic, might find this one, just as well over didactic, but let me make clear I am not one of those people, and I found their position fundamentally mistaken. There are issues that must be tackled openly, honestly and bravely, and directly. Just that, does not make a venture didactical, or even worse, political propaganda. Text (book) or subject (person), one cannot leave her ideological capitation behind, and should not attempt to behave as if it were so. What makes this venture particularly honest and successful is its acceptance of its ideological position and its self-criticism.
Needless to say, this is definitely not a book for those who wish to find a decorous escape from reality. There is no idealization or compromise in its portrayal of what forms a man-woman “relationship” can take. Be prepared: this book is about rape, both statutory and not, it is about prostitution and about violence both in the family and outside of it. There is suicide and murder, suffering and torture. But for those willing to take this journey, it is definitely worth it: it is empowering and gives a lot of hope. I am not saying that this work is perfect and faultless. There is no such work, of course. Mainly, the ghost of compulsory heterosexuality seems to linger among the lines and perhaps also a slight hint of hostility towards others, but it seems to be a minor issue compared to the book’s enormous achievements.
This book is a must-read for those who read and enjoyed Dawn Lyons’ The Dry Well, as well as for anyone who is willing to take the troubling journey into the lives of many women who were raped, forced into prostitution or tortured in any other way. It is also a book for those who like powerful storytelling and vivid descriptions, and do not get scared by some “extra message.”A percentage of the book’s profits will be used to support the cause of the prevention of domestic violence and sexual assaults.