Stand Up for Yourself…

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Today’s Challenge: Stand up for yourself.

About a week ago I posted “Face the Problem so…” about my struggles with a company(s) that was basically stealing from me. Well, today, I’m happy to report that we have settled, and all of my needs were met. The weight and stress of this has lifted off my shoulders and I feel a sense of freedom from this burden I carried for more than two years. It feels good to stand up for yourself and follow through to the end. It feels amazing to actually sleep through the night… I want to celebrate! 🙂

Face the #Problem so…

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Today’s Challenge: Face the problem so you don’t add to it.

I went to lunch with a friend yesterday and I shared with her that I had been struggling with a couple of businesses that had let me down. I also let her know that I was now in a much better place because I had finally faced my problems.

I didn’t want the trouble and heartache of confrontation, so I continued to believe that I could ignore the problems, or send very nice emails once a month confronting the issues and the problems would simply be resolved. By taking this approach, my troubles grew, my stress grew, and before long I had nothing but sleepless nights. I now know that if I’m not sleeping at night, I’ve waited much too long to face the problem. Aren’t our bodies amazing? My body was telling me, “Confronting the issue is long overdue. It’s time!” When both businesses started to ignore me in hopes I’d go away (my same strategy), I took the next step and went to Better Business Bureau. The first business took action and we resolved the problem quickly and painlessly. Amazing! AMAZING! The second business (A book distributor who has not only continued to list my books and my name on their website, they have continued to sell my eBooks without paying me–two years after our contract ended) used the strategy of ignoring me and BBB, so now the Attorney General in that state is taking a look.

I spent so much time feeling upset and frustrated by these businesses. I was the one having sleepless nights, not them. And I didn’t do anything wrong (other than waiting, hoping, instead of taking action sooner). It’s ironic. But now, I’m sleeping fine and I will stay on top of this until we have a resolution. The sleepless nights should be on them, not me.

I have to repeat the daily challenge, face the problem so you don’t add to it, and sometimes waiting and hoping and ignoring is adding to the problem. Learn from my mistake… 🙂

Years ago, I created the app “I’m Upset!” The last part of this app, the “Quick Check In” says this:

Ask yourself these question:

  • Am I upset?
  • Why am I upset?
  • What can I do about it?
  • Is it out of my control?
  • Is it really important?
  • Should I let it go or do I need to confront the issue?
  • Why am I feeling so powerless?
  • How can I take responsibility for this, so I can get my power back?

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Clearly, I needed to take my own advice instead of dragging my feet… But at least I’m facing it now and it feels great to take my power back! 🙂

 

 

Know When It’s Time To…

Today’s Challenge: Know when it’s time to let go.

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On my walk with my pug I noticed this tree. All the leaves were gone except these two beautiful red-orange leaves still hanging on… It made me think about life and all the ways we hold on tight even when, especially when, it’s time to let go. We hold on to anger. We hold onto relationships that won’t work. We hold onto things in our homes, garages and closets that clutter up our lives. We hold on to beliefs about ourselves and others. We try to hold onto our youth and some dreams that need a little tweaking. We forget that it’s ok to let go. Nature has run it’s course and it’s time for the next season.

What are some of the other ways we hold on, when it’s probably time to let go?

What would you like to let go?

Don’t Generalize…

Today’s Challenge: Don’t generalize about people.

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Especially when discussing politics or gender it seems people want to generalize about other groups of people. I get put into groups that I don’t belong in and it drives me crazy. All men cheat? Really? That is ridiculous. All women like shoes and shopping? I. don’t. think. so. All rich older white men who vote republican are racist? Wrong. All democrats don’t want to work hard and are socialists? Nope. It is a little shocking to me how people are so quick to judge others without knowing the truth of the people who are different from us–People who have different ideas or beliefs than ours. Truth is, we are all more alike than we are different.

Tell Somebody You #Trust…

Today’s Challenge: If you were victimized as a child, it was not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve it. If you’re still struggling, years later, tell somebody you trust and get some help.

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I wrote this many years ago…

A friend of the family molested me when I was 11 years old. Years have passed and I remember it like it happened 15 minutes ago. When I go back in the memory, my tears lose control and my body feels the pain. I am scared because for the first time I feel the agony that man caused me. I have spent years running and surviving instead of dealing with it. This little girl’s past has caught up with her. I don’t know how to be the mother she needs to hold her, protect her, and forgive her for not telling somebody so I could have gotten help.

I believe the pain is surfacing because I am in love. It should be a happy, exciting time for me, but I am also in pain every time he touches me. It is not normal to want to cry and escape while making love with the man you love. My mind races with ways to get through it hiding how I really feel. I pretend everything is great and I curl up around him and hold him until he goes to sleep. Then I roll over and the tears start and my body shakes. I sneak out of bed to avoid waking him. I go downstairs to cry. Sometimes I stay up all night crying and pacing wanting to run away and feeling, dirty and scared and trapped inside myself. If I’m lucky, my exhaustion puts me to sleep sometime in the early morning hours.

I sat in my counselor’s office and for the first time, I told the truth. She had to tell me to breathe once I started talking. She also stopped breathing. It was the most healing moment of my life. I knew I would get through it. I spent my life running from it, pretending it did not bother me. Now I understand how important it is to talk. I’m going to talk. I am going to forgive myself and get the help I need. I asked her why I had to waste so many years. She said some wait 50 years and others never face it. She said, “You’re lucky. You’re still young.”

Be #Happy With Who You Are…

Today’s Challenge: Be happy with who you are even if you’re a little crazy at times.

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My garbage can disappeared but my neighbor’s garbage can was still sitting by the road as if it were mine to bring in. Is it possible he took my garbage can and put it in his garage? What’s the big deal? It’s a big deal to me because I might be a slight freak. First of all, my house number is on my garbage can in big black permanent marker to avoid this very thing from happening. I am somewhat anal, maybe OCDish about certain things and my garbage can in one of them. I do not throw lose garbage in my garbage can. All garbage must be bagged before it is disposed of, so my trash can is clean and doesn’t have odor. My neighbor, on the other hand, who apparently went out of town, throws food and garbage loosely into his garbage can, and because of that, it is covered with gunk that smells and paper and things stuck in the bottom. If he had accidentally (or purposely) taken my can, I had the option of cleaning out his garbage can or leaving it nasty before bringing it into my garage. Neither was appealing. I also feared my can would be disgusting by the time I got it back. Because I wasn’t even 100% sure he had my can, I called the city and had them deliver a new can to me and I left his in front of his garage. A couple days later another neighbor came over to talk to me and he brought along the nasty garbage can explaining that my neighbor was out of town and he had somebody watching his house. “They must have brought in the wrong can.” he said. I felt like an idiot, making such a big deal about a garbage can. I tried to explain that I have issues and I like to keep my garbage can clean and I just didn’t want somebody else’s garbage can. He took a good look at the messy can, agreed with me then pushed in back in front of my neighbor’s garage. I walked back into my house feeling like such a jerk. For the next few days, I beat myself up because of the way I handled the situation and wondered why I would be so upset about the cleanliness of a garbage can. On the next garbage day, while I was taking my new can to the road, I saw that my two other neighbors had already taken their cans to the road and I was surprised to see that both had written their address on their garbage can with black magic marker. Suddenly I didn’t feel so bad, I actually felt understood and I realized that I may be a little crazy at times but luckily, I’m not the only one. 🙂